Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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