There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
