I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
