Duck Duck Cougar?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
