The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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