mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
