hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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