don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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