Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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