There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
