In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
