I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
