I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
