apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
