Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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