Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
