im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
