i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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