Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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