It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
