im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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