I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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