we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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