i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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