My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
