So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
