My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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