If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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