Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
