fuck your aforementioned shoe
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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