whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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