you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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