So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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