i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
