My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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