The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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