i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
