Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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