no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
