My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize