well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drake has all the answers
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
