Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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