its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
