i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize