Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
