Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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