And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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