I hate your face
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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