bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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