I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
