He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
