you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
