the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
