Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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