Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
