I look better un-naked...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize