if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
