she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize