If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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