Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
