Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
