Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
