____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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