it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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