Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize