listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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