Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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