he wants to bone in the snuggie
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
