Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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