RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
