whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I want to walk on stilts...naked
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
