I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
