This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
