She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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