I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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