All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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