Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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