she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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