Your face is a jimmy john
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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