i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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