not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
