THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
