I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
