I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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