People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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