i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
