now i know why i became what i already was.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
