My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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