i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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