I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
