i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
