You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
that's an acceptable place to lick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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