My friends, they love my intelligence
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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