Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
