Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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