508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
