I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have post one night stand depression
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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