hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
