Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
