I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
