I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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