I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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