he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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