he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
