Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
