I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize