i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
