I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
