we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
