What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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