remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I had to cum in my sink.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
