I'm gonna have a badass scar
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
